"But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge-do not give me over to death." Psalm 141:8

If you need an idea for a Mother's Day gift, may I suggest the devotional "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young? Once again this devotional has fallen right into line with what I'm struggling with. Last week was a full week of running (figuratively speaking of course...I've yet to start a solid exercise plan) here and there and spending quite a bit of time doing church related activities.

I loved taking focused time during Natalie & Jadon's naps to prepare for a Vacation Bible School Meeting and also a fundraiser for the Youth Group. It felt wonderful to go to a meeting and feel like I'd actually given it more than 5 minutes right before hand. I did it the "Denise" way which including typing up a one-pager with fun fonts as a reminder to those involved, and could give a huge sigh of relief that I was actually proud of what I'd done. I didn't do it for man's applause, because I'm pretty positive no one else but me cares I used Pink Broccoli font which matches the rest of the VBS theme. I did it to feel like I gave God my best. My detailed, obsessive, time-consuming best.

As excited as I was about those two meetings, by the end of the week they were overshadowed with the growing list of things I did or needed to do that had fallen short of my "perfect" expectations. I became extremely short tempered with the kids; with my bright and shining moment being a huge fit right before we left for church because Natalie wouldn't sit still so I could put in a pony tail...nice, huh?! It all left me questioning if I should be a stay-at-home mom; if my heart could ever be at rest in the crazy chaos of 24/7 with two little ones.

So what do I read this morning? "I never lead you to do something without equipping you for the task. That is why it's so important to seek my will in everything you do...In order to know My Will, you must spend time with Me-enjoying My Presence." *Ding*Ding*Ding* News flash* Denise Bowker can't do it; but God through me can! The more time I spend with Him, seeking His will, the more equipped I will feel. God knows my personality quirks better than I do and He still called me to be a stay-at-home mom.

"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Psalm 16:11
 


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